Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
