The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
