It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
