Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
