i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
