Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
