so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
