carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
