I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
