I think scott just propositioned me for sex
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
