what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
