Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
