I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
