oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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