Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
