She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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