yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
