...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
