just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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