There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
