I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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