sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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