Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
