Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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