i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
