You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
