i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You are the jesus of drinking
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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