I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
