Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
