They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
