I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you had me at cake vodka
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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