I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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