Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i need some magic done to my vagina
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize