When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
