your thong is hanging out like whoa
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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