I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
