When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
