well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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