I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
