I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
