Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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