Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize