i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
