I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
