Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
