i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
