so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
