I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
