So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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