Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize