The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize