he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I am one with the molecules
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
