he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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