I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize