I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
