wanna go halves on a baby?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm really busy with my period
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