I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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