im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
