I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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