oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
