Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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