omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
