she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
