are you still at the devil's house?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
