My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
be right there i have to get my cape
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
