Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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