Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
