Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
