it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
