She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
