I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
