my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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