Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We need to rekindle our bromance
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
