so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
