Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
