Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
