id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
