Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
