Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
