the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
