why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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