i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She bit a glass in half.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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