I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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