So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize