There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
