I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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