I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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