My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize