Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
