no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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