Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
