I wish I could punch you in the face.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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