I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
