So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
