i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
