He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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