you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
