I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
