mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
