did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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