i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
