Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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