you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
