i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
