I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
