so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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